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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Uncertainty

I distinctly remember the moment in physical therapy school, when my partner and I stumbled upon a theory for our final medical ethics/ethics education project: "Ethics is uncertainty." So simple, but one of those "ah-ha" life moments. Since that day and since that time that simple statement sets off a train of thoughts...ethics is uncertainty; medical ethical conflicts and dilemmas are not black and white, not right and wrong, not yes and no; medical ethics is grey; so the role of our educational system is not to teach us right from wrong; it is to teach us how to think, to process, to negotiate uncertainty--that's a huge responsibility. But life is no different. Life is uncertainty.
For some reason, I have been thinking a lot about uncertainty lately. The only thing certain about this journey is that "for every up, there is a down." Literally, not figuratively. I started at the Pacific Ocean and am ending at the Atlantic Ocean. Sea level equals sea level by my calculations. Thus, for every up, there must be a down. But outside of that, nothing else is certain. For every headwind, there isn't a promised tailwind. For every rough road, there isn't a newly paved road. For every good there isn't a bad and for every bad there isn't a good. Life is not fair. Each day is an unknown slate of uncertainty. Life is uncertainty.
Today, I rode 42 miles...not too impressive as a single statistic. But today, I rode 42 miles in the rain with temperatures in the mid-40s into 30-40mph diagonal headwind/crosswind. Sounds slightly miserable? At times, yes. But ultimately, I have a choice which days to ride and which days not to ride. I made the choice to ride today. And today, amidst the uncertainty, the teachings and wisdoms of my life teachers came flooding back--from my family to my friends to my co-workers, teachers, patients to complete strangers. To have a passion is to accept the denial that comes with it. There is more to be learned in losing than winning. Bad days remind us to be gracious and appreciative of the good ones. Hughes' don't quit. :) Everyday should contain laughter and tears. Take each day as you find it, but don't leave it that way. Okay, I will stop. Just saying that while the riding conditions were slightly miserable, the overall experience was worth the journey--thanks to my life teachers who have taught be how to negotiate uncertainty.

This evening, we had dinner with and are staying with Lindsay and Jacob Lorang. Lindsay is a great college friend from the good ol' days of Creighton University. (#1 school in the Midwest AGAIN! Go Bluejays!). It was so amazingly wonderful to catch up, have homecooked meals, and a warm, dry place on a cold, dreary night. Linds, the very best of luck on your next life endeavors! You are so ambitious! And happy tuna fishing...haha...400 lbs of tuna.

Random thought of today: You don't go into the ring to fight Mother Nature as if to win or lose, because you will inevitably lose. Mother Nature is relentless. And Mother Nature in Central Montana can be a real vixen. You go into the ring with Mother Nature to define yourself, to reconnect with your sense of humanity, to reinforce humility, to respect.

Lindsay and Mary--rise and shine!

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